Koneko & Kenji

This year we adopted a cat.

For the uninitiated. Adopting a pet is an entirely different process from bringing home say, a baby. For starters you don’t have to grow your own.

Some other poor sod does all the heavy lifting. And secondly when getting a pet you can be as disgustingly superficial as you please.

You’re born into whichever body genetics and providence saw fit to give you, sure. And if it’s mostly functional most of us tend to be grateful for it.

And our offspring are also subject to the luck of that same genetic draw.

There might be a rare parent who looks at their large snozzled offspring and contemplates returning to sender. But I’m told that this practice is rare and generally frowned upon.

Most people bring most of their superficial tendencies to bear when on the hunt for a spouse. Again, I was told that beyond some baseline attraction , good character and mutual regard was the primary thing to aim for .

When getting a pet.I’ll admit. I let all such concerns fall by the wayside. I wanted a cat. And I wanted a pretty cat. An adorable cat. I didn’t care if its soul was as black as sin itself. If it had willfully murdered other cats or indeed dis-embowelled humans in a previous life

I’d take Ted Bundy's feline reincarnation if it was cute enough.

The sort of cat that people crossed busy roads to pet.

So we trawled cat homes and pet adoption agencies. Exchanging pictures on the internet. Until we happened upon the perfect pair of Persian kittens.

Triple coated, punch faced fur-balls. One a mellow toffee colored beauty and the other a snow white unicorn with a black patch on his forehead in lieu of a horn.

We brought them home and christened our befuddled furry blimps Koneko and Kenji.

At first they didn’t venture far from their feeding bowls. Tails upright, round bodies revving like motorbike engines at the sight of food. I’ve honestly never heard louder, more satisfied purrs in my life. You could hear them in the next room. Both our fur babies LOVED food but beyond that they didn’t have much in common.

Koneko ,our ginger princess ,seemed quite aware of her considerable charms and spent the majority of her time perched atop the bathroom sink. Admiring herself in the mirror. Occasionally condescending to let us groom her and pay homage before turning back to her reflection. I don’t blame her. Next to Koneko , my entire family , looks like pustulant bridge trolls.

Koneko herself seemed to agree with this sentiment and avoided us for the most part, descending from her spot in front of the mirror only to be fed and paid tribute to in the form of daily grooming sessions.

Kenji , on the other hand, was a bundle of intrepid desperation. You couldn’t cross the room without having him tangle himself around your legs and flop at your feet. Kenji is a cat who wants to be loved.

Mind you, movement isn’t Kenji's strong suit but he will make an effort ,if it means being petted. While Koneko could take us or leave us. Kenji seems to genuinely enjoy our attention.

Then again although a joy to be with. Kenji isn’t too bright. Despite having another cat in the house for company. Kenji's most abiding relationship is with a small blue toy car .

Like all relationships. It has its ups and downs. Not on the cars end. The car is very much inanimate and fairly indifferent to Kenji’s advances.

Kenji however still manages to have dramatic one sided spats with his toy on a regular basis. When he’s happy, he will hunt baby roaches and bring them to it as tokens of affections.

When he’s sulky he will resolutely turn his back on it and go serenade Koneko. When they are getting along he will push the car to his feeding bowl in a gesture of solidarity.

Koneko of course isn’t quite so dim. Koneko worships at no altar but her own besides, she knows that the car is well, not real.

Occasionally she will paw it away from him and thwack him gently across the nose in an effort to make Kenji see reason. Off course it doesn’t work.

But one night Koneko got really sick of Kenji's incessant obsession with the blue car.

She picked it up in her mouth and dropped it in the toilet bowl.Kenji was frantic. It was 3am.

He threw himself against our bedroom door till we woke up and retrieved that goddamn car.

But their relationship has changed somewhat since then. Kenji no longer plays with the car. He will push it to the front door to flop with him in the sunshine and then gently back to the feeding bowl to partake of his lunch. But he seems to have decided that the car itself is an invalid. To be treated with tender care. The cockroach tributes have also gone up. I no longer need to buy pesticide spray..

But then one day. On their daily walk around our apartment complex ,the unthinkable happened.

Koneko would strut happily up and down our street basking in her semi celebrity status. But Kenji's spirit for adventure flags as soon as he sets foot in the great outdoors. He would flop on the doorstep , and then flop the road and then the car hood. And for any requested selfies. Kenji simply does not like walking. So his daily walk mostly involved being carried around the neighborhood before being deposited next to his car again.

That day Kenji seemed to want to play with the car. So we put it next to him. He could push it along and maybe it would encourage him to walk a bit.

No such look. After a while, we gave up and picked him for the last and final lap. But someone forgot to pick up the car.

The next morning at 3am, we’re woken by a desperate scratching. Kenji is running ,actually running around the spot where he keeps his car.

I recall I forgot to pick it up.

It's ok, I figure I will buy him a new one.

The next day we brought home an identical blue car.

Kenji ignored it.When I put it next to his feeding bowl . he picked it up and drops it in his litter, take that you blue imposter.

I tried again, multiple times. With no success. Each usurping vehicle was treated with the same disdain. As a last ditch attempt, I retraced my steps around the neighborhood hoping to find it. I did find it eventually, well most of it. The front two wheels are missing. But it is unmistakably Kenji’s car.Toothmarks dotted its metallic body.

Kenji was ecstatic. Whatever weird chemistry those two share had been rekindled. He hunted a small banquet of roaches and deposited them next to it before flopping next to it in blissful oblivion the entire afternoon while Koneko looked on in disdain.

Who says true love doesn’t exist?